Check out this article by Dr Zehnder as he discusses bullying
Bullying is a pattern of harming and shaming others, those who are smaller, weaker, younger or
more vulnerable.
Bullying can involve verbal and physical attacks, threats of harm, scaring others, and willful
barring from common interests. Studies show that bullying peaks between ages 11 – 13 and
lessens as children grow older. Kicking, hitting, and shoving are most common among younger
children; relational attacks, such as spreading rumors, and social exclusion—is more common as
children get older.
Most bullying occurs in and around school and on playgrounds; the internet lends itself to
serious forms of bullying. About 20 percent of students report being bullied at school. Boys and
girls are equally likely to be bullied.
Why Do People Bully?
People bully because it can be an easy way of getting what they want, at least in the short term,
and because they lack the social skills to do so without hurting others. Bullying also is a way of
showing social power.
Are bullies born or made?
Bullies are made, not born. It happens early if the normal aggression of 2-year-olds is not
parented well. Children need to acquire internal restraints against acting out. Bullying can
remain, largely because bullies get what they want—at least at first.
What are the psychological features of bullies?
Research finds that bullies have a distinct makeup. They lack prosocial behavior, are untroubled
by anxiety, and do not understand others’ feelings. They also show a type of paranoia: they
misread others, often assuming malice in neutral settings. Others may not like them, but they see
themselves quite positively. Those who bully tend to have strained bonds with parents and peers.
Who Bullies Target
Bullies couldn’t exist without victims, and they don’t pick on just anyone. Research shows that
those singled out for bullying lack self-assurance even in safe settings and exude fear long before
they ever encounter a bully. These are children who don’t stand up for themselves.
How do bullies decide who to pick on?
Up to about age 7, bullies pick on almost anyone. After that, they single out others — a “shopping
process” to see which children would make easy victims. Bullies like victims who become
visibly upset when they are picked on and who do not have friends or allies. Researchers find
that those chosen as victims are insecure and uneasy.
What are the distinguishing features of victims?
Studies show that victims easily give in to bullies’ demands, handing over toys and other
playthings. They cry and assume a guarded posture; their highly visible displays of pain and
suffering reward bullies and serve as a vital signal of the bully’s power. Children who become
victims offer no checks to the harm, which can make them disliked even by their non-bullying
peers.
What are the effects on victims?
Bullying carries the message that abuse and violence are fair solutions to problems. They are
not. Getting along and the peaceful solving of problems are needed in our changing connected
world. Bullying not only harms its victims; it harms all involved. Most bullies downward spiral
in life, as their behavior thwarts learning, holding a job, and getting or keeping bonds with
others.
Do bullies grow out of it?
Some bullies do leave the behavior behind. But many do not. Many who were bullies as children
turn into antisocial adults, who are far more likely to commit crimes, batter their spouses, abuse
their children—and produce more bullies.
Why don’t bystanders stop bullies?
Bullies often carry out their abuse before an audience of peers, and the presence of an audience
can boost a bully’s sense of power. People who witness seldom stop the abuse; they may in fact
enjoy the scene. Even if they don’t approve, they may dislike the victim or fear an attack by the
bully.
Cyberbullying
As many young people are now on the internet, so is bullying. “E-bullying” has become a real
new problem. Once largely confined to school, handheld devices afford bullies constant access to
their prey. Cyber harassment can often be carried out in secret; victims may have no idea who
the bullies are.
How has the internet changed bullying?
The anonymity of cyberbullying removes many restraints on meanness and makes things worse.
It’s easier to inflict pain and suffering on others when you don’t have to look them in the eye.
Newer tools afford new ways of spreading false facts about targets.
How do bullies harm others on the internet?
Bullies thrive on the internet. Cyberbullies can spread false rumors with viral speed on social
media. They can falsely pose as someone else and conduct mischief in someone else’s name.
Women seem to be at more risk. And long after any bullying stops, hostile details can linger on
the internet and continue to harm.
How to Handle a Bully
The best defense against bullying is being socially skilled—teaching all children social skills and
allowing them to develop confidence in their own skills. As social builders for young children,
parents are especially needed in bully-proofing their children. They can often ask about social
problems their children face and role-play with them. The second-best defense against bullying is
to walk away and not fight back.
How do you deal with a bully?
Studies show that the best way to stop a bully is to engage bystanders; after all, bystanders
reward bullies with attention. Since most children see bullying at some point, teaching all
children that they have a vital role to play in stopping bullying is crucial. A bully may try to
strike back against one person who speaks up but is not likely to target several.
Do school antibullying programs work?
During the past decade or so, schools have widely adopted anti-bullying programs. The report
card on how these programs work, however, is mixed. Experts tell us that schools are where most bullying takes place. Social skills, power, and how to deal with abuse—the key influences on
bullying—are often learned at home.
Should parents get involved?
Children are deeply ashamed of being bullied and may not let anyone know when they are being
abused. Parents need to know something about their children’s social milieu with peers and how
peers treat them. School conferences and gentle questions about their social life are crucial.
Teaching children to fight back does not usually work; helping them gain social skills is.
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to be a substitute for professional medical advice and should not be relied on as health or personal
advice. Always seek the guidance of your doctor or other qualified health professional with any questions
you may have regarding your health or a medical condition. Never disregard the advice of a medical
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